5 tips for compatibility when you are both retired

Retirement hurts many marriages because couples have different expectations and are not accustomed to being together constantly. In this situation, it's very easy for frustrations to simmer and boil over. Discussing your expectations before retirement can keep irritations to a minimum and make your togetherness more enjoyable.

• Before you retire, sit down and talk about your assumptions and expectations.
• How much time do you expect to spend with your spouse?
• Are you planning to travel or start a part-time job?
• What other concerns do you have?
• You may be extremely frustrated if you have always done the cleaning and are looking forward to having your partner share the burden, only to find that your partner expects things to continue as before.

• It is easy, in retirement, to become disconnected from the world at large.
• Setting ground rules such as spending no more than two hours a day on the couch may seem silly and unnecessary, but may save your sanity later.
• Other possible rules are to maintain separate as well as shared friendships, to do at least two separate social activities a week and to have individual spaces in the home.
• One big reason for frayed spousal nerves is seeing each other too much and feeling like there is no privacy.
• Respect one another's space.

• "Doing your own thing" gives you both plenty to talk about when you're together.
• It also lets you grow more as individuals, which often causes you to grow as a couple as well.

• Experience new things, both together and separately.
• They needn't be earth-shattering; simple activities include cooking a new dish or painting a picture.

• It's easy to start dressing down and taking less care of your appearance. That is fine and even healthy to an extent, but don't let it go too far.
• Eat well and keep up an exercise routine.
• Make a conscious effort to dress nicely for your spouse once in a while, even if neither of you is leaving the house.
• Getting along has a lot to do with maintaining healthy spaces and boundaries.
• Have both separate and joint friends and activities, and your own space as well as communal space.
• Have individual lives as well as your life as a couple, and you are well on your way to a blissful retirement with your spouse.